Student Blog: Thoughts of Gruden & Lottery As School Days End

Jon Gruden replaces Tony Kornheiser

What’s up with announcers being afraid to fly? Tony Kornheiser has decided to quit as an analyst on Monday Night Football because he doesn’t like to travel on airplanes, so he can join former announcer John Madden in that department. It’s not like Tony knew a whole lot about football anyway, so Gruden is a pretty nice addition. I envision him as the Jeff Van Gundy of football announcers, as he should be funny, witty, and not afraid to express his opinions. “Chucky” should be another reason to procrastinate on my homework next year. Speaking of which, school in Plano ends on June fifth. Students across Jasper High School are counting down the days (some refuse to include weekends to make the end seem closer), and summer off-season sports programs should kick off soon.

Looks like the basketball Gods are against the Sacramento Kings and Washington Wizards, as was evident when the teams with the two worst records ended up with the fourth and fifth picks respectively. As a Wizards fan, I watched with the same deer-in-headlights look that Mets manager Jerry Manuel displayed after Ryan Church missed third base against the Los Angeles Dodgers this week. I had dreams of Blake Griffin and Antawn Jamison somehow manning the inside, or even Ricky Rubio serving as the PG and shifting Gilbert Arenas to shooting guard so that he could play his natural position. Instead, the Wizards missed out on the two sure-fire studs (Griffin and Rubio) and the Clippers managed to turn Griffin’s stud status into a dud status by grabbing the top pick. If I were Blake, I would immediately take the John Elway/Eli Manning route and whine his way to Memphis or Oklahoma City. Why must I hate on the Clippers?

1. I was going to put the Clipps into the dubious category of “teams with a mascot that is totally unrelated to their name,” but it turns out that cheapskate owner Donald Sterling doesn’t want to pay the extra $40,000 bucks a year it costs to get someone to dance around in an animal suit. By the way, that $40,000 dollars is less than what Zach Randolph makes in one quarter of a regular season game (and it’s safe to say many Clippers fans would rather have a mascot than Zach Randolph’s salary).
2. LA’s other team has a former all-star, a former defensive player of the year, a double-double machine (Chris Kaman), a 20-10 capable big (Randolph), and two future all-stars (Eric Gordon and Al Thornton) yet they can’t seem to win more than 20 games. I don’t care how much the injury bug bites, there were plenty of talented players left on the active roster last season even when Baron Davis, Marcus Camby, and Chris Kaman were sitting out.
3. What kind of name is the Clippers? Are they going to cut the hair of the most egotistical player on the other team until he screams mercy because he can’t bear to appear in public with a buzz? It seems like that would only work on Von Wafer or Deshawn Stevenson, so that can’t be it. Upon further investigation it turns out that the Clippers are actually named after some sort of ship. Not a pirate ship, mind you, but it can apparently move quickly. That’s pretty convenient, because Clippers highlights on Sportscenter seem to be short and extremely quick too.

Anyways, here’s how I’ve got the NBA Draft going, with a few teams having more than one real possibility.

1. Los Angeles Clippers- Blake Griffin/trade down/bring Michael Olowokandi out of retirement. Randolph’s contract will be tough to trade, so good riddance to Kaman or Camby, who both deserve to stay. If Sterling or coach Mike Dunleavy get involved too much, I could see the Clippers screwing this up beyond belief and trading down.
2. Memphis Grizzlies- Hasheem Thabeet. Thabeet and Marc Gasol as bigs makes sense on paper, but Thabeet has “bust” written all over him.
3. Oklahoma City Thunder- Ricky Rubio/trading up. The Thunder would love to grab Griffin, but drafting Rubio and moving Russell Westbrook to the two would be a nice improvement too.
4. Sacramento Kings- Brandon Jennings. I know Jennings stunk it up in Europe, but he was an 18-year-old in the middle of nowhere playing in a league tougher than the college game. I will be the first to tell anyone willing to listen that Beno Udrih is a gigantic bust that cost me a shot at a fantasy basketball championship, so grabbing a PG is a must for Sac-Town.
5. Washington Wizards- trade pick/James Harden. If Gilbert Arenas can get healthy, the Wizards could attempt to pull off a Boston Celtics draft of 2007 when they traded the fifth pick and a bazillion players for Ray Allen. How about Jamison and pick five for Amare Stoudemire and a second round pick? It’s not like the Suns want Amare anymore, and Amare would make the Wizards a force to be reckoned with.
6. Minnesota Timberwolves- Demar Derozan. Why not? The Timberwolves stink anyway, so they might as well take a shot in the dark and see if they can grab a diamond in the rough.
7. Golden State Warriors- Jordan Hill. A great fit for a run-and-gun offense. Hill could be an improved version of Ronny Turiaf and play alongside Anthony Randolph, assuming Don Nelson decides to use Randolph next season.
8. New York Knicks- Tyreke Evans. This is a toughie because Evans isn’t the best option position wise, but he’s the most talented player available for the Knicks.
9. Toronto Raptors- Stephen Curry. Anthony Parker is going to hit the market, so Toronto needs to plug in Curry as its new shooter.
10. Milwaukee Bucks- Jrue Holiday. The Bucks will be big winners if Jrue falls to ten. He’s a pass first, defensive presence that Scott Skiles is dying for. Ramon Sessions is as good as gone, so Jrue has a chance to start next season.