Lions in the Stands

Some are former athletes getting to experience the high and lows of high school sports all over again with their children. Others are highly competitive business people or professionals. Whatever the case, overly competitive parents can wreak havoc on the morale of a youth sporting event. A survey of more than 3,300 parents whose children are involved in youth sports by SportingKid magazine found that 84 percent had witnessed violent parental behavior (shouting, berating, abusive language) toward children, coaches or officials. In another survey by Sports Illustrated's S.I. for Kids, 74 percent of youths who responded said they had seen out-of-control adults at their games. So it is safe to say that bad parent behavior is common. As an LPGA teaching professional and college sports advisor, I have had a lot of experience with competitive parents. Being the mother of four athletes, I have also been the competitive parent in the stands and observed others at their best and worst. I have witnessed fights, name calling, ejections and abusive yelling at athletes from overzealous parents with over-the-top expectations. I have seen and heard overbearing parents scream at their children because they were not performing well and, worse, watched parents leave in the middle of competitions because of a child's poor performance. With my junior golf students and parents I can say with pride we have had few such incidents over 20 years, thanks to a simple system of basic personality profiling that helps parents become aware of how their personalities can affect their support of their child's performance. Personality profiling can help parents see themselves clearly so they can control their reactions. According to the DISC system, there are four basic personalities: the competitive parent (Lion), the outgoing parent (Otter), the strategic parent (Beaver) and the perfect and patient parent (Golden Retriever). The Lion parent is most susceptible to ruining a child's sporting event. These parents like to win in any situation--sometimes at any cost. They demand 110 percent of their children in sports. Lion parents have no problem letting coaches know where they stand and like to control their children, the teams, the coaches and others as much as possible in pursuit of trophies. At a game, high Lion parents often see themselves actually in the game. The parent is swept up in the competition and cannot step back out of the picture, which can result in fights and name-calling. Lion parents also have a tendency to explode if they feel their son or daughter is being threatened or gets a bad call. My son, who now plays college baseball, laughs about one time I lost it when he was hit in the chest by a pitch in Little League. I scaled an 8-foot fence in seconds like a mother lion ready to pounce. Lion parents will always protect their young! To understand how to control their behavior and behave in a positive manner, the first step for a parent is to accept and understand if she is, in fact, a Lion. Ask yourself these questions: Are you highly competitive? Did you control your child's choice of a sport? Do you get upset at losing? Is winning very important? Do you consider yourself an aggressive competitor? Do you find extreme joy when your child's team wins and feel horrible when they lose? Once a parent recognizes characteristics of this personality in himself, he can usually understand why he behaves in certain ways. This is the first step to thwarting bad behavior. So if you are a Lion parent, how can you tone down your behavior and play a positive role with your child athlete, coach and team? Attend practices to see how much work is going into your child's sport. Don't just attend competitions where your focus is all about winning. Parents who are involved in all aspects of a child's sport are less likely to behave badly because they have a clearer overall picture of the goals of the sport. Try to get back into competition yourself! Join a team, league or club where you can let your competitive nature thrive. Parents who compete themselves are less likely to "live through their children" and, in fact, can be more positive role models. Parents who are actively competing usually understand that you can't win every time. I have found parents who compete in sports have a more realistic approach to raising a champion athlete and successful parenting skills in athletics. Betty Baird Kregor matches high school athletes with college programs and mentors athletes through college admissions, marketing, video and more. Go to www.straightshotinc.com. To find out more about the DISC system, go to www.discprofile.com.