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Monday, October 6, 2008
Long Road Back
Fort Worth, TX
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Six years after a near-fatal heart attack,
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The thing I had to do was just re-learn how to coach compassionately.
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There aren’t many people alive who can say they have seen pictures of themselves dead.
Flower Mound Marcus cross country coach Steve Telaneus is one who can.
Oct. 26 marks the sixth anniversary of when one of the most popular coaches in the Dallas-Fort Worth area was thought to have passed away from a massive heart attack he suffered at a district cross country meet at Denton’s North Lakes Park.
By miracle or grace, the 49-year-old Telaneus – 43 at the time – survived. Since then, he has seen pictures of his motionless body lying on the dam. It was quest for knowledge. It was a quest for understanding. It was a quest for closure.
“I wanted to see the after death experience,’’ Telaneus said. “For me, it helps put everything in perspective. I think about it all of the time. I wake up most mornings thankful for one more day.’’
Telaneus has been at Marcus since 1986 and constructed one of the most successful programs around the state. Between his girls and boys programs, they have won 31 district titles, 11 regional titles and three state titles. Two other runners have won individual state titles.
But the magnetism for Telaneus has been because of how he interacts with his students and the guidance he gives them the course. In fact, there are probably some who felt more nurtured by his counseling than his coaching.
“He taught us how to live life outside of running, and he always kept his priorities straight,’’ said runner Kim Lee (formerly Sanders), who ran for Telaneus from 1992-96. “Because he was so approachable, he always had my respect.’’
Always a picture of health, no one - including Telaneus - knew about the 90 percent blockage in one artery known as the “widow maker.” So, when he collapsed 50 yards from the finish line, his son Ben and others thought it was a joke.
But it was no joke when Telaneus did not respond to calls and then didn’t respond to CPR. Terror rocked the park. The ride to the hospital seemed to be a matter of going through routine because if he wasn’t revived within the first few minutes, he wasn’t coming back. His wife, Ellen, sat in the front seat of the ambulance asking God to give her strength to raise her four children.
And then the paramedic shouted from the back, “I think I’ve got a pulse.’’
“You have what?’’ Ellen said.
Telaneus went to a nearby Denton hospital and was comatose for about 24 hours before he became conscious.
“There are such a variety of emotions that you go through,’’ Ellen said. “From, I’ve lost my husband to oh, my gosh, he’s back. You process so much. And when you’re dealing with a flood of people at the hospital, you feel like you’re at a morbid wedding reception.’’
Coming back has been a long process. Telaneus has no memory of the event nor a good portion of 2002. He spent eight weeks in rehab retraining his brain to do simple things.
Gradually, he mastered them all. But as a biology teacher, he still stumbles over biology terms.
The process of methodically running the cross country programs has been long and enduring. It has tested his patience. It has challenged his temper. It has questioned his commitment.
He felt terrible impulse controls and became easily angered. Telaneus would lash out at kids or his family and not know why.
“It’s still a battle for me and I still have to deal with some of the enraged emotions,’’ Telaneus said. “It’s not the overriding theme that it used to be. But the thing I had to do was just re-learn how to coach compassionately.’’
From 2003-2007, Telaneus said he never felt the connection with his runners like he had with them prior to his heart attack.
And really, it came down to just mastering the day-to-day operations so he could just go out on the course and coach his runners. The details of paperwork or reminding himself to do little things or communicating became annoying.
“Every task was a struggle because he had to re-learn everything,’’ Ellen said. “And I think that at least that was going on for the first three years. There were just more adjustments than even he realized.’’
Yet Marcus never lost its edge. In 2006, the boys team advanced to the Class 5A state meet. In 2007, the girls team advanced to the 5A state meet.
However, something is different this fall. Both he and Ellen have noticed how much more relaxed he is around his runners. Finally, he has peace with himself and his coaching. He admits he has a better connection.
This is his new type of normal. His profound Christian faith has helped him on the journey back to where he is now.
In the last six years, Telaneus has watched two of his children graduate from Denton Ryan. His children are now 21, 19, 17 and 13.
The experience has tightened an already close family. Disagreements are few. Happiness flows through the house. This family is grateful for the gift of being together.
“What we’ve tried to do is cling to the everyday blessings,’’ Ellen said. “The gripy things don’t matter. There are no guarantees so we cherish what we have.’’
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